Moving forward by looking back
Another look at failures
How we look at failure defines it. For instance, if we see all of our failures as dead-end streets with no redemption, then you are selling yourself short before you’ve even reached the market.
This year, I reached out for some big grants, sent a lot of work to major publications, and saw little success. I managed to make it into the most significant New Zealand publication and be a part of an excellent anthology alongside some indie publications and a few feature slots, all of which I am grateful for, yet I feel the failures more. The weight of my successes always seems less than my failures. Putting them on the scales to begin with is its own error, yet it seems it is easier for me to accept the ground than it is the sky.
I have spoken plenty about failures being a major part of success if we dare let them be a fuel, yet I forget their significance too often. Allow yourself to feel how you feel about the things that don’t go the way you wished they would, get angry, cry, mope, but then analyse what went wrong. If we view failures more as fractures, then they feel more fixable. There is damage without blame, and we must take the time to heal and then try again. Looking at 2025 and some small things I wish I had kept going with, I wish I had kept posting daily poems on social media. I love writing haiku and 3x3, and although I write them every day, sharing them felt complicated. Going into 2026, I want to try again, but it is clear I need a better game plan, or I will run into the same problems. It would be very easy to fall into a spiral and tell myself I can’t even manage something as small as posting a poem every day on social media, and let it mountain until the weight becomes unbearable, but instead, I am going to figure out what caused the fracture, then try and run again.
One of the things we must ensure we do is to be gentle with our limitations and capabilities. Just because somebody else is capable of doing a set amount of something in a set way, it doesn’t mean we automatically have to follow suit. That isn’t a general standard, but instead a personal one. We too often shrink ourselves to fit into the shadow of others when what we cast is equally miraculous. We compare and forget that what we consider complicated is different for everybody else. We beat ourselves up for finding simple things hard, but the definition of simple is far from simple. Even if you cannot think of anything right now, I guarantee there are difficult things you can do that others would struggle with. We get used to what we are capable of and forget that our daily operation and maneuvering through this world is a miracle.
With the daily poem, I struggled with the organisation. I have a box of poems, and my system was picking them up and posting them, but then I got confused about what I had posted. To counter this and advance the idea, I have two envelopes this year. One for used and one for unused. Once they have been posted, the unused poems will go into the used envelope, which will hopefully make it feel more manageable. This particular problem might not even feel like a barrier to lots of people, but to me, it has felt insurmountable for a long time.
Why am I telling you this? Well, I want you to see that if we face setbacks, it is easy to give in to them, but we must allow ourselves to grow instead. If the manuscript gets rejected, then make it better. Send it to honest friends and tell them to tell you where they think the weak spots are. It is becoming less common to ask for help, but as the saying goes, ‘it takes a village.’ I would not achieve anything without the help of the people around me. I do all of my own writing, I run a poetry show and a lit mag, and I don’t have a team as such, but I do have people who help shape my ideas into their best version. I have spoken very openly about the dangers of ‘yes’ people and how much of an adverse effect it can have on creativity. To consistently be affirmed that everything you write is the best it can be will inevitably stop us from reaching for the clouds of our full potential. To tell somebody their ending falls flat for you, or being honest about the parts you didn’t enjoy as much, will help those around you find success. When those fractures appear, honesty will give them the best chance at success on their next run. I have so many people who tell me the truth when my poetry needs lifting up or if something doesn’t land with them, and this is vital to my process. I value critique as much as I value a compliment because both allow me to see my work through another’s eyes.
Whatever didn’t go right this year, dare to ask yourself why. Whether it was a small task or a major opportunity, ask yourself, ‘If I could approach it differently, what would I do?'‘ Sometimes, we also do everything right, but it just isn’t the time for it yet. I believe in balance and landing where we are supposed to. I believe that the things that hold us back are holding us back for a reason; that whatever we are forced to wait for will be better. In the meantime, we must prepare and learn to use our wings. Tell the ground you love it, but then fall in love with the sky. We must celebrate every little joy and achievement. The tiny moments are milestones that deserve a party.
Fractures, not failures, Woofenberry’s. You will heal and run again. Dare to learn from the fracturing. It has much to teach you.
Keep Kind and Stay True x
